Open Invitation (with advice)

Here's an open invitation to foreign-born thugs, gangbangers, rapists, & murderers - come to San Francisco. The City by the Bay wants you!

Oh, I know what you're thinking: "Must be a trap -- why would they want criminals?" But you're not just any criminals -- you're non-American criminals! In fact, studies have shown that you're very likely to be anti-American criminals, and that's your special charm. San Francisco is vying to be the world center of hatred for America, and its former anti-communist stance. You could play a central part in this exciting ongoing development.

A little piece of advice: Though this will eventually change, currently, San Francisco politicians must now get elected by their voters, who uncharacteristically, still take a dim view of their government openly encouraging crime, at least against certain "protected classes." So you must avoid raping, robbing, or murdering other, ah, "undocumented" immigrants, members of other minorities, and members of the LGBT community (ask a friend to explain it.)

As long as you confine your efforts on behalf of the revolution (you may not think of crime that way, but San Francisco does) to the un-protected class (gringos, honkies, preferably males between the ages of 18 and 62) and refrain from using an un-silenced firearm, you should encounter no problems that a good pro-bono attorney would not be able to eventually surmount, in the unlikely event that you are apprehended. If you find it necessary to dispatch a member of one of the protected groups, either lure them out of town, or do it very quietly, so as to draw minimal notice.

So come on up! Good luck, and good (if slightly restricted) hunting!

The Quixotic Appeal of Communism/Socialism

I have finally come to an understanding of the persistent, mysterious appeal of communism/socialism despite its perennial failure to deliver the material prosperity it always promises in order to sell itself: it's like injecting heroin. It is something one engages in, not for what it ultimately accomplishes, but for how it makes one feel to be doing it at the time. One who has been taught to value feelings above thought, and indoctrinated to believe that inequality is inherently evil, will accept or do almost anything that promises equality -- even in poverty and decline -- in preference to horrid inequality -- even in wealth and improvement.

No feedback is allowed. Comparing results to promises would be bourgeois treason. Besides, the proponents, quite realistically, admit that the process of getting to the promised "nirvana" will be hellish anyway, so when millions suffer and die, the prediction only seems all the more accurate. Since the goal is total equality, why worry if all it produces is misery leading to death? The more widespread the suffering, the greater the equality, reaching perfection in death. By those lights, worse actually is better, and there's no such thing as "too far left."

As to whether some supernatural malign power guides and directs such activity, or if mere human malice aforethought is all that is necessary, I cannot say. But the results, in either case, are indistinguishable.

Hope, Change, and the National Election

If some unkind soul had spiked your feet to the floor and left you standing in pain, you'd probably be ready for change. If I then approched you with a toolbag, from which was protruding a long crowbar with claws for pulling spikes, and asked you if you'd like a change, you'd probably say, "Yes!", presuming that I was bringing the change for which you had hoped.

Suppose I told you that before I could make that change, you'd need to prove that you were really serious about change, by clasping your hands behind your back. Even if you didn't understand why, you'd probably do it, hoping to speed that change.

If I then swiftly bound your wrists with duct tape, stuffed a dirty sock into your mouth, bound it with more duct tape, and began to beat you over the head and shoulders with the crowbar, you'd recognize the change all right, but you'd probably be disappointed. Blindly accepting unspecified change is a lousy way to get what you want.

Our President-elect recently stated that the U.S. Constitution (from which he would draw his authority), "reflected the fundamental flaw of this country that continues to this day," With our hands now bound, let's hope he'll pull those spikes ... but get ready to duck that crowbar!

How Politics Really Works

A Realistic (if Cynical) Guide for the Aspiring Modern Politician

1. Most of what you (and everyone else) have been told – at school, in the media, and most of all, by politicians – is false. But you already understand this, or you would not aspire to politics.



2. Economics 101: For nothing …you get nothing. Promise much. Deliver what you must. Break your opponents’ eggs to make your omelet.



3. Politics 101: If your constituents don’t have a problem, you have a problem: without problems, who needs politicians?



4. Politics 102: There is almost no political profit from keeping promises. Getting elected is all about promising "more," always at the expense of "someone else." The profit to the politician is an immediate increase in power from a lavish promise which will only be "kept someday" (if ever.) Since sheeple are blind to the loss of their own power, and since they refuse to believe that they are the “someone else,” they can be "re-lied" (to/upon) almost indefinitely.



5. Politics 103: When the king has rape on his mind, he wants all asses bare. Politics means getting the sheeple to pull down their own knickers and bend over in the belief that they will be better off for it.



6. Remember the “Golden Rule”: Who has the gold makes the rules (and hires/fires politicians.) Don’t forget who you’re really working for. As the world’s second oldest profession, politics bears many similarities to the oldest, but you won’t spend as much time on your back.



7. Don’t expect to rise in politics and remain clean. The guys with the gold won’t invest in you unless they hold some embarrassing (career-ending) collateral.



8. No useful falsehood is really a lie unless you can be penalized for uttering it. A constituency which strives to get away with as much thievery and mischief as it can, will excuse an almost infinite amount of the same in its politicians.



9. Moral people are hard to rule – structure your programs to play to the larceny of your constituents. Agitate for laws that must be broken to be survived.



10. Don’t sweat anyone’s confusion but your own, and don’t con yourself about what you want. In times of great confusion, the politician whose goals are clear can generally get what he/she wants.



11. Nobody is so utterly useless that he/she cannot be utilized as a horrible example.



12. Cultivate a few knowledgeable friends who themselves have such acquaintances, as can be relied on to unbidden, proactively execute the occasionally necessary clandestine task, quietly, efficiently, and without fanfare, (or acknowledgement, for that matter.) Keep the need for such services as low as possible, especially early in your career, but never forget that your opponents have similar contacts.



13. Since their capacity to cause new harm is at an end, dead politicians are easier to love than living ones. Let your heirs proclaim your sainthood. If you would be a politician, pursue power. If you want to be loved, be a firefighter.