Open Invitation (with advice)

Here's an open invitation to foreign-born thugs, gangbangers, rapists, & murderers - come to San Francisco. The City by the Bay wants you!

Oh, I know what you're thinking: "Must be a trap -- why would they want criminals?" But you're not just any criminals -- you're non-American criminals! In fact, studies have shown that you're very likely to be anti-American criminals, and that's your special charm. San Francisco is vying to be the world center of hatred for America, and its former anti-communist stance. You could play a central part in this exciting ongoing development.

A little piece of advice: Though this will eventually change, currently, San Francisco politicians must now get elected by their voters, who uncharacteristically, still take a dim view of their government openly encouraging crime, at least against certain "protected classes." So you must avoid raping, robbing, or murdering other, ah, "undocumented" immigrants, members of other minorities, and members of the LGBT community (ask a friend to explain it.)

As long as you confine your efforts on behalf of the revolution (you may not think of crime that way, but San Francisco does) to the un-protected class (gringos, honkies, preferably males between the ages of 18 and 62) and refrain from using an un-silenced firearm, you should encounter no problems that a good pro-bono attorney would not be able to eventually surmount, in the unlikely event that you are apprehended. If you find it necessary to dispatch a member of one of the protected groups, either lure them out of town, or do it very quietly, so as to draw minimal notice.

So come on up! Good luck, and good (if slightly restricted) hunting!