A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a country where the people had no problems. Well, that’s not exactly true -- they had problems -- but none they couldn’t solve by themselves … until the Prostiticians got involved.

The Prostiticians studied the situation very carefully. "If they don’t have problems, we’ve got a problem!" said one. "If this keeps up, we'll be out of business," whined another. "If this keeps up, we’ll have to get honest jobs," whimpered a third. "Let’s go ask the Lawiars for advice." So that is what they did.

The Lawiars reflected on how their business had dwindled, with people solving their own problems, and they put on their thinking caps. "Think, Lawiars!" implored the Prostiticians. "Tax your brains!"

"That’s it!" cried the Lawiars. "Tax their brains."

"Okay, but we'll need a good excu… uh, reason," said the Prostiticians. "Do you have one?"

"No" said the Lawiars, "maybe the Banksters have one. Let's ask them."

"Simple as compound interest," said the Banksters. "Borrow lots of money from us, buy the votes of the people with it, tax them to repay it -- with interest, of course, since we don't work for free, ya know. Before you know it, the people will be over their heads in debt, blaming each other, begging you to solve their problems. You can start wars to distract them, buy their votes with "bailouts", the Lawiars will be up to their eyeballs in lucrative lawsuits, the Justitutes can reverse the Constitution, and we'll be rolling in profits."

"Such a deal!" exclaimed the Lawiars. "Genius!" proclaimed the Prostiticians. "Do you Banksters have that much money to loan?"

"We have pens, printing presses, and computers" said one Bankster. "We know how to write, print, and push buttons on a keyboard," said another. "Bottom line, we can fake it," said a third. "All we need is for you to pass a law making our 'money' the only money the Sheeple are allowed use. Ya think you Lawiars can write up a law for that?"

"Piece o'cake!" said one Lawiar. "Can o' corn!" said another. "Easy-peasy," said a third.

"Well, don't get carried away with simplicity," said the Banksters in unison. "We don't want the people figuring it out before they're over their heads in debt."

"Trust us!" said the Lawiars.

"Just like we trust the Prostiticians," said the Banksters, "sign here."

"How much can we borrow?" asked the Prostiticians.

"As much as you can squeeze out of the Sheeple, minus our interest," said the Banksters. "But you'll need to start small, so they don't smell a rat," they advised. "Get our Presstitutes to help sell the idea."

"We’ll need to raise the next generation of Sheepizens to know their places, but not too much else," said the Prostiticians. "Let's give the schools some of this borrowed money, so we can tell them what not to teach, and how to not teach it. Our Professtitutes at the Universities can tell their Stoogents how brilliant our new idea is, and the Treacher's Union can muzzle any Treacher who might teach kids stuff they shouldn't know, and drug any kids who show signs of figuring it out."

"What if some Sheepizen objects about, you know … the Constitution?" asked a nervous Prostitician.

"That g__d___ piece of paper?" sneered one. "Idiot!" said another. "Don't be stupid -- remember we get to pick the Justitutes from a list of Lawiars." reminded a third. "It's all under control."

So they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. The Presstitutes made up any "news" they were told to write. The Prostiticians made laws to let the Banksters create the Feudal Reserve System to lend more "money" than anyone could ever repay, and the Infernal Revenue Service to tax it back, and soon had their Sheeple firmly saddled with unending problems. The Lawiars had all the lawsuits and trials they could handle, in courts run by their brother and sister Justitutes. Professtitutes and Treachers were well paid to keep the kids from learning too much. The Banksters were rolling in obscene profits, and would soon own everything in sight. And the Sheeple never did figure out why they couldn't get out of debt.

So they all lived happily ever after, at least until the Sheeple no longer had enough brains to tax, so they couldn‘t both pay taxes … and eat. Then, the Prostiticians, Banksters, Lawiars, Justitutes, Presstitutes, Professtitutes, and Treachers all had a big barbecue.

Moral: If problems are what you want, problems are what you can get, especially when you're dealing with Sheeple.

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Fortunately, this is only a fairy tale! Wouldn't you hate to live in a country like that?